This girl is more easily done than said...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
honey bunches of taint.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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