If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
