Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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