I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
