I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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