Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
