I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can you bring me the toilet please
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
