there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
