We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
