That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
