Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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