Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
