so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
