after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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