His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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