Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
