i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
