Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
