it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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