A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
