question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
