OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
