No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
