What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
