I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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