Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
