In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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