yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
