the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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