Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
