Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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