There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
