My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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