she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
