I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
