i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
