She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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