Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
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I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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