We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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