There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
