Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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