I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
