i wish my penis had a tongue
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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