I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
did i walk over a car last night?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
