let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
