somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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