i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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