need another drink. this is the easiest way
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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