mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
