Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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