Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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