u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize