mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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