Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
