There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
