so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
