I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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