Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
