I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
