I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
