someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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