You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
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Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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