I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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