Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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