Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
