i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
