If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
