the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
two words: eviction party
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
