I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
