mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
