If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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