i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I supernannyed him into submission
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
