A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
