i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
