They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
