I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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