is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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