absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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