She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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