i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
