I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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