So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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